Resilience in the Face of Struggle and Loss

 

We are not born with a fix amount of resilience. Like a muscle, we can build it up, and then draw from it when we need it. In that process you will figure out who you really are—and you just might become the very best version of yourself. – Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO

Have you been through times that you are at your lowest? Or are you currently experiencing struggles that you only have two choices: either to be swayed by the waves or to bounce back and go against the waves. Life is a struggle. It will never be easy. Struggles are required in order to survive life. Because in order for you to stand up, you have to know what falling down is like.

In a study of a psychologist, Martin Seligman, he says that there are 3 P’s that people tend to use to explain the things that happen to them: Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence.

1. Personalization is the belief that “we are at fault”. This is different from taking responsibility, which all of us should always do when facing loss or failure. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us. People tend to blame themselves for the failure or loss that is happening in their life. We blame ourselves that we often times let ourselves proselytize with the idea that it was really our fault. That we start to self pity and deluge ourselves with that feeling. We have to understand that we don’t have the answer to all questions. Sometimes we just have to kneel down and ask guidance from the Father above when we think we cannot bear the burdens anymore. There are things that is out of our hand that we have to seek help from those who can give us the answers.
2. Pervasiveness centers on the belief that an event will affect all areas of one’s life. Some people tend to think that when they experience failure or loss, that will affect their life althroughout. WHICH IS WRONG! WE are the master of our life! Don’t forget Newton’s third law of motion which is “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” If there is negative, then there is positive. That when we fall, there is always a chance for us to bounce back.
3. The last P stands for Permanence. It refers to a person’s sense that a certain circumstance or feeling is everlasting. BIG BIG NO! If you dwell yourself to the thought of your loss or that you are a failure, then that will you be for life. Unless you start to revert from that thought or feeling, that’s when you will experience the true exhilaration in overcoming the waves of life.

I have learned from my mentor that in order to succeed in every aspect of life, we should adapt the right mindset. The mindset that we are the ones who are creating our life 100%. For everything that is happening in our life, we have to take ownership of it and stand in front of the battle. Don’t delve into the idea that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time, and blissful personal relationships simply because we exist.

The real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is YOU!